The question is whether or not you would like to expand that strength.
The question is not: Can I be a strong person. Because you already are.
Where does your expandable strength lie? It lies in places like communication, attitude, spiritual practices, personal qualities, personal interests, beloved hobbies, and beloveds…and probably many, many more.
And still we fall into “But I can’t!”
How do we get to “I can!” in the middle of “I can’t!”?
(1) Don’t deny that you feel so down. Remember, the more you push against something, the bigger it grows. So you don’t want to push against “I can’t!” It has done its job: it has said to you, “Here’s what you’re feeling, and you need to do something different.” So don’t shoot it. It’s just the messenger.
(2) Invite something into your experience that feels good, the way it feels good to feel alive. I am not talking about drugs, or drink, or excessive food, or whatever else it is that we use to numb ourselves out from the pain of relentlessly listening to the messenger (see #1 above!). I am talking about inviting something into your experience that makes you feel a kind of alive relief. For the spiritual: a song, an affirmation, a book that reminds you of Who You Are. For the practical: an activity – gardening, problem-solving, taking a walk – that reminds you of Who You Are. These are just suggestions. The point is that you want to invite something in that eases the feelings just by virtue of being there. You are not doing anything other than inviting in the healing.
(3) Sit back. Let yourself take your face out of the problem and sit back. The messenger and the healer will do what they do. The messenger will get its message: “Yep, we hear ya!” and you can focus on finding answers in ways that are kinder, more expansive, more unexpected (that’s the fun one!).
What does it mean to be strong? It means to be willing to find your strengthening moments in unexpected ways, from exploration, from curiosity – finding out what makes you feel better, feel stronger, and in a gentler way.
Lori Ellen Kirstein is a motivational speaker and writer, a professional actress/singer, whose mission is to empower women to know their Strength, to express themselves, to define themselves in empoweringly truthful ways, and to have a nourishing, powerful impact on the world, individually and together.