Fake It 'til You Make It - Acting the Part of the Fearless Woman

I had been an actor for a while so I knew what it was like to actually choose an emotion and really feel it. It stood to reason that if I were feeling really bad, I could "choose" to feel really good instead (or at least "as well"). But one day I came up against my own limitations and I had to reach for another sphere of influence. It has stood me in good stead ever since.

I was at a spiritual gathering, and everyone in this exceptionally large hotel meeting space was moving around, talking and purchasing jewelry and books at the back of the room. I was a melting pot of emotions, wandering around trying to get up the courage to initiate closure with an ex-boyfriend even though I felt righteously that he should be the one to initiate. Someone stopped me and said she wanted to introduce me to some friends. I had to put on my mask of capability.I had been an actor for a while so I knew what it was like to actually choose an emotion and really feel it. It stood to reason that if I were feeling really bad, I could "choose" to feel really good instead (or at least "as well"). But one day I came up against my own limitations and I had to reach for another sphere of influence. It has stood me in good stead ever since.

I was at a spiritual gathering, and everyone in this exceptionally large hotel meeting space was moving around, talking and purchasing jewelry and books at the back of the room. I was a melting pot of emotions, wandering around trying to get up the courage to initiate closure with an ex-boyfriend even though I felt righteously that he should be the one to initiate. Someone stopped me and said she wanted to introduce me to some friends. I had to put on my mask of capability.

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An older couple was sitting comfortably in the folding chairs, and I was standing beside them - not wanting to sit because I really wanted to be on my way - and putting on my best actor-based confidence attitude. I thought I was doing very well to be so emotionally steady in the midst of a meltdown, when I realized that I had torqued my body into roughly the shape of a pretzel.
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I was bent sideways and down, to put a hand on the back of an adjacent chair. One foot was crossed over my other leg and steadied me on the opposite side. I had the opposite hand on my hip, and I was basically twisted. In other words, I looked as twisted and uncomfortable as I felt!
Well, apparently my usual emotional and verbal tools weren't going to help out with this one, so I thought to myself - while maintaining a conversation I don't remember to this day - "What do I do???"

You would be surprised how many moments it took me to convince myself that I could actually straighten up. I felt so obvious! I thought, "Oh crap! If I straighten up, they'll then notice that I've been pretzeled and they'll think I'm weird, and they'll realize that I didn't even know I was pretzeled and now I'm awkward at straightening up..." *sigh* Really??? The mind is so very very good at blame.

It took me about 15 seconds to start, but slowly I straightened up and made myself plant both feet on the ground, a shoulder's width apart as the yoga teachers say. And that is how I realized that by taking a strength stance I could deny - without a word - the voice in the head that says I'm less-than. With practice it has become a habit. To the point where I was in a photo with a collection of fellow employees a few years ago, and the only two people in that photo looking like leaders were the owner of the company, standing with feet planted (you got it) a shoulder's width apart, and me, opposite from him in the photo, also with feet planted; which was ironic, because I was low "man" on the totem pole!

What physical stances or muscle tensions are you adopting? If you start just noticing, you can start thinking about something fascinating and freeing: The many ways you can stand, relax, sit, hold yourself, which reflect the strength and the leader you secretly are.
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