Put Money SECOND to be Successful???

First I went broke. Then I picked myself back up and it was fecking HARD! Hard on the emotional body, hard on the mental body, and hard on the body.

I didn't know about the workings of emotional energetics to pitch in mightily, making my efforts aligned, interesting, creative and successful.

I didn't yet know that there are ways to do everything for free or little money. I also didn't know quite how to create a community of mutually supportive people to lessen the burden both financially and emotionally.

I also didn't yet know how to put myself into the mix at all, much less first.

But what is all this about putting money second???I see you staring at me, going, "Are you out of your *#$^)^Y$ mind???"

I was. I most certainly was.

I tried starting businesses for the money. It was always the money first. "Will it make me money? Will people want it and buy it?" was my first question. And if you've been raised in the U.S., chances are really good that you are nodding, saying "of course that's the first question! Otherwise, why do it??? Why put all of that energy into it?"

If that's you, I was you. For about 20 years. Talk about persevering in the wrong direction! Why "wrong"? Because it never frickin' worked for me. And if you're like me in that regard, I'm happy to tell you that you are not "wrong" or "messed up". You're just like a round peg trying to push yourself into a square hole. You'll do better looking for a round hole. More on that in a minute.

Meanwhile, hey, it IS totally doable to put money first and make a good living...but......are you enjoying the living you've made?
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Rubber, meet road.

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My particular issue was that I couldn't settle down into whatever I chose. There was always something that I felt was missing from what I offered, something more of me. Sure, I could offer copywriting, but I also could offer marketing design and writing...or I could offer training (I'm a super good trainer and coach) which I LOOOOOVE to do but should I do it when really my passion is supporting women in rising in their self-image and self-expression...?

Would whatever I thought about make me money? And would it make me money quickly enough?

I really didn't know. And I always always felt certain that if I could find something that was aligned with my passions, it would work well. "Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow" (Marsha Sinetar's book)

Meaningwhile, the uncertainty, the lack of feeling like I was on the right road, and the aloneness plus - let's be clear - the lack of money was making me nutty. I just couldn't get anything off the ground.

Look, your business IS you. Literally, not figuratively. It is built of your energy, your time and the proverbial blood, sweat and tears. And that's both the solution and the problem. To start a really solid business you need a few things and money actually isn't one of them. (I know, you probably still don't believe me, but I'm going to give you some info that might at least bend your mind if not change it...)

What you need is the feminine side of the equation.Let me explain.Behind every single business that has EVER been is the feminine. What I mean is this:

• Before women were "permitted" to be in business so liberally, the traditional "titan of industry" could go do his thing and do it reasonably quickly for one reason and one reason only: others were doing all of the nurturance work that has to happen to start and maintain a business.

Let's consider the major players:

• The Wife: Who does the shopping, cleaning, child rearing, and the heavy emotional lifting in the relationship? Why, the wife does.
• The Administrative Assistant: Who does the care and feeding of not only the clients but the prospective clients? Who handles all of the setting up of documents, meetings, communication, and maintains that relationship situation with other people and departments in the company, and so on and so on and so on? Why, that's the Admin.
• The "Staff": Who makes sure that the emotional component of marketing happens? Who makes sure that the Project Management combines scheduling, money and people concerns? Why, the staff does.

Without these people, forget being a titan of ANYTHING!What does this have to do with money second, Lori?It has to do with you, actually.
When you put YOU first - when you learn to help yourself thrive as a PERSON who does business, rather than as a businessperson - your business thrives because you are.
Want an example? Glad to oblige.
EXAMPLE:
How much of your time do you spend doing what you "need to do", or are "supposed to do"? How much time do you spend making sure you have been - ugh - "productive"?
Exhaustion
I spent scads of time. I did the 14 hour days. It did eff-all for me! Oh no, wait, I'm wrong! It exhausted me! Terrific...
Allowing
And then I started to understand that allowing was even more important than efforting. In fact, I started to see efforting differently, and to approach it differently. I put the quality of my life first, and whenever I felt myself pushing in a way that was sheer ugh-ness, I stopped. In that moment I stopped and I did something else that pleased me.
Epiphanies
You know what happened over a very short time? I started having epiphanies of what I could do in my business - including the free Co-Working Q&A Womanpreneur meetings I'm holding on Thursdays. Including the paid meetings I'm about to launch which DELIGHT me, and not because of the money, but because I LOVE educating people and watching them get delighted not only from the education but from the human connection! The fact that I was able to connect a monthly fee to this that will not impoverish people but that will support me makes me feel excited and more financially stable! Win-win-win!
Happy Accidents
During one of those moments where I said "oh, eff-it!" and took a break, I stumbled across a one-time lifetime $37 deal for a piece of software that allows me to create questionnaires in the coolest way which includes scoring the answers for the "test" takers. And that stimulated another idea for my new Womanpreneur Success Codes program that I'm working on - another idea that excites me!
Business Friendships
I started to be daring about my networking!

I started taking the time to meet with people again, which got me more podcast appearances and more people on my podcast! But that wasn't even close to the best part. I gave up this thing of using networking as a freaking numbers game! It's NOT a numbers game! You're supposed to MEET people and see who can be a friend, and who you jibe with, and who jibes with you! You're supposed to make friendships! So I did! And now, instead of having a CRM full of people I don't remember, I have a CRM of people I know!
Taking Time
Including taking the time - whenever I needed it - to take a break, take a walk, go to the Y and swim or bike, and then get to work at something I really enjoyed doing. And when I had to do something I DIDN'T enjoy doing!
Enjoying My Days
Imagine that...Imagine enjoying the building of your business. What. A. Concept!See, the go-for-the-goal/go-for-the-gold, be "productive" mindset is the toxic masculine. Not even the divine masculine - just the toxic.
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You are not a machine. Remember that. It's critical. You are a human being, endlessly unfolding and discovering and making choices and new choices, and becoming something different and more than when you started out as a little baby. You are supposed to be discovering. EVERY DAY! That's where the magic is! Remember: You are a human being. You are not a human doing.

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Lori Kirstein supports women in choosing the Exit door leading away from obeying the internal rules, and experientially moving into their own authentic, emotionally-free self-image, self-expression, visibility and Self-awareness. [email protected] | www.GoodbyeGoodGirl.com